This song was playing on my ipod. Sonic Youth - I love you golden blue.
:(
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Trying To Live
What is Life? Will we ever know the significance of words such as Life, Love and God? That is why I hate it when the phrase "Get a life" is coined.
Isn't everyone trying to live? And "getting at life"?
Will a person know more about living than another? Only someone who is pretencious and self-righteous will tell another to "get a life". More accurately, Life isn't easy to "get at"; to understand. If you think you've known all about Life, then perhaps you're merely indulged in living in your own little perfect pocket of a world and have not looked hard enough into what it is. But who is to know? Maybe you really had seen it all, all that is Life. But you should at least have accumulated a decent amount of experiences to proclaim that i.e. you're old enough.
Perhaps it is wise to think twice before telling a person how to live their life or to "get a life".
Life isn't the same for all of us. For most, it's not all that fun and cheery. Some of us lived through 80% of shit to get to the 20% that is worth living. The intrinsic value of important things in Life varies for everyone too. Wealth may mean more to some than to others. When we add up all the variables, it is simply impossible to measure Life.
How do we "get a life" when we don't really know what Life is, when there is no way to measure it?
In the end, we're all merely trying to live in our own ways.
Isn't everyone trying to live? And "getting at life"?
Will a person know more about living than another? Only someone who is pretencious and self-righteous will tell another to "get a life". More accurately, Life isn't easy to "get at"; to understand. If you think you've known all about Life, then perhaps you're merely indulged in living in your own little perfect pocket of a world and have not looked hard enough into what it is. But who is to know? Maybe you really had seen it all, all that is Life. But you should at least have accumulated a decent amount of experiences to proclaim that i.e. you're old enough.
Perhaps it is wise to think twice before telling a person how to live their life or to "get a life".
Life isn't the same for all of us. For most, it's not all that fun and cheery. Some of us lived through 80% of shit to get to the 20% that is worth living. The intrinsic value of important things in Life varies for everyone too. Wealth may mean more to some than to others. When we add up all the variables, it is simply impossible to measure Life.
How do we "get a life" when we don't really know what Life is, when there is no way to measure it?
In the end, we're all merely trying to live in our own ways.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
The Hours (2002)
Been looking for the dvd of this movie. Wanted to watch it again.
Leonard: Virginia (Woolf) we must go back home now. Nelly is cooking dinner. She has already had such a difficult day. It is our obligation to eat Nelly's dinner.
Virginia: There is no such obligation. No such obligation exists.
Leonard: Virginia, you have a obligation to your own sanity!
Virginia: I have endured this custody. Endured this imprisonment.
Leonard (with contempt): Oh Virginia!
Virginia (disdainfully): I am attended by doctors. Everywhere. I am attended by doctors, who inform me of my own interests.
Leonard: They know your interests.
Virginia: They do not. They do not speak for my interests.
Leonard: Virginia I can, I can see it must be hard for a women of your...
Virginia : Of my what?
Leonard: of your, your...
Virginia:(angry) of my what exactly?
Leonard: of your talents to see that she may not be the best judge of her own condition.
Virginia: But who then is a better judge?
Leonard (raised voice/ exasperation): You have a history...you have a history of confinement. We brought you to Richmond because you have a history of fits, moods, blackouts, hearing voices. We brought you here to save you from the irrevocable damage you intended upon yourself. You have tried to kill yourself twice. I live daily with that threat. I set up the press,... we set up the printing press not just for itself, not just purely for itself but so that you might have a ready source of absorption and a remedy.
Virginia: Like needlework!
Leonard (shouting out of hurt): It was done for you! It was done for your betterment. It was done out of love! If I didn't know you better I'd call this ingratitude.
Virginia (somber): I'm ungrateful. You call me ungrateful . My life has been stolen from me. I am living in a town I don't wish to live in. I am living a life I have no wish to live. How did this happen? It is time for us to move back to London. I miss London. I miss London life.
Leonard: This is not you speaking Virginia. This is an aspect of your illness
Virginia (pleading): Its me! It is me!
Leonard (both are speaking at the same time): No
Virginia (angry): It is mine and mine alone!
Leonard (patient): No, it is the voice that you hear
Virginia (sorrow/raised voice): No it is not. It is mine. I am dying in this town.
Leonard: If you were thinking clearly Virginia you will remember it was London that brought you down.
Virginia: If I were thinking clearly... If I were thinking clearly...
Leonard (whispers/in a barely audible voice): We brought you to Richmond to give you peace?
Virginia: If I were thinking clearly Leonard, I would tell you that I wrestle alone in the dark, in the deep dark and only I can know, only I can understand my own condition. You live with the threat; you tell me, you live with the threat of my extinction. Leonard, I live with it too. This is my right; it is the right of every human being. I choose not the suffocating anesthetic of the suburbs, but the violent jolt of the Capital, that is my choice. The meanest patient, yes, even the very lowest is allowed some say in the matter of her own prescription. Thereby she defines her humanity. I wish, for your sake, Leonard, I could be happy in this quietness but if it is a choice between Richmond and death, I choose death.
Leonard (on the brink of tears): Very well, London then. We go back to London then.
Leonard: Virginia (Woolf) we must go back home now. Nelly is cooking dinner. She has already had such a difficult day. It is our obligation to eat Nelly's dinner.
Virginia: There is no such obligation. No such obligation exists.
Leonard: Virginia, you have a obligation to your own sanity!
Virginia: I have endured this custody. Endured this imprisonment.
Leonard (with contempt): Oh Virginia!
Virginia (disdainfully): I am attended by doctors. Everywhere. I am attended by doctors, who inform me of my own interests.
Leonard: They know your interests.
Virginia: They do not. They do not speak for my interests.
Leonard: Virginia I can, I can see it must be hard for a women of your...
Virginia : Of my what?
Leonard: of your, your...
Virginia:(angry) of my what exactly?
Leonard: of your talents to see that she may not be the best judge of her own condition.
Virginia: But who then is a better judge?
Leonard (raised voice/ exasperation): You have a history...you have a history of confinement. We brought you to Richmond because you have a history of fits, moods, blackouts, hearing voices. We brought you here to save you from the irrevocable damage you intended upon yourself. You have tried to kill yourself twice. I live daily with that threat. I set up the press,... we set up the printing press not just for itself, not just purely for itself but so that you might have a ready source of absorption and a remedy.
Virginia: Like needlework!
Leonard (shouting out of hurt): It was done for you! It was done for your betterment. It was done out of love! If I didn't know you better I'd call this ingratitude.
Virginia (somber): I'm ungrateful. You call me ungrateful . My life has been stolen from me. I am living in a town I don't wish to live in. I am living a life I have no wish to live. How did this happen? It is time for us to move back to London. I miss London. I miss London life.
Leonard: This is not you speaking Virginia. This is an aspect of your illness
Virginia (pleading): Its me! It is me!
Leonard (both are speaking at the same time): No
Virginia (angry): It is mine and mine alone!
Leonard (patient): No, it is the voice that you hear
Virginia (sorrow/raised voice): No it is not. It is mine. I am dying in this town.
Leonard: If you were thinking clearly Virginia you will remember it was London that brought you down.
Virginia: If I were thinking clearly... If I were thinking clearly...
Leonard (whispers/in a barely audible voice): We brought you to Richmond to give you peace?
Virginia: If I were thinking clearly Leonard, I would tell you that I wrestle alone in the dark, in the deep dark and only I can know, only I can understand my own condition. You live with the threat; you tell me, you live with the threat of my extinction. Leonard, I live with it too. This is my right; it is the right of every human being. I choose not the suffocating anesthetic of the suburbs, but the violent jolt of the Capital, that is my choice. The meanest patient, yes, even the very lowest is allowed some say in the matter of her own prescription. Thereby she defines her humanity. I wish, for your sake, Leonard, I could be happy in this quietness but if it is a choice between Richmond and death, I choose death.
Leonard (on the brink of tears): Very well, London then. We go back to London then.
Thursday, April 09, 2009
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
Comprehension
I don't understand all of it. I may never understand any of it. And thus, I'm afraid. Many secrets of the heart. We're born unto this world with the ability to seek knowledge and to try to understand our surroundings. Yet there will be secrets forever hidden from our understanding in our lifetime. What can we do? Pretend that nothing is wrong and that full or even partial understanding is not important. To live with this pretence our whole lives? To ignore? That sometimes not knowing is a bliss? That all memories and knowledge are meant to be short-lived, fade away with age?
We are thus all pretencious beings. Pretend that full understanding is not important, that we are not equipped to understand all of it. To pretend to think that desire for full knowledge is equivalent to that of desire for power- it will corrupt us. But how will we know it will corrupt if we don't understand half of it? Our hearts tell us so.
Follow our hearts, they say, not only our brains. If our hearts can think, can we channel these thoughts? Are things made more complicated when we not only have brains that think, but hearts that think too? Maybe yes. Maybe not. Both my heart and brain refuse to give a definite answer.
Up until the last days of our lives- pretencious beings. The old man in his deathbed screams, "I don't want to go because I haven't known a lot of things yet. Can I have answers?" His life whisked away. No answers.
Maybe just follow our eyes. The eyes deceive too, you say? So what is real and what is not?
Fantasy is built on pretences. Create your own answers. Your Creations. Answers to the secrets of the heart. Breathe and live Fantasy. For every question, give it your own answer. Who is to say your answer may not be correct?
Words seek to derail thoughts. Pretence is an intrinsically negative word.
We are pretencious. But we fly on wings of Fantasy too.
I won't ever understand. And I am afraid.
We are thus all pretencious beings. Pretend that full understanding is not important, that we are not equipped to understand all of it. To pretend to think that desire for full knowledge is equivalent to that of desire for power- it will corrupt us. But how will we know it will corrupt if we don't understand half of it? Our hearts tell us so.
Follow our hearts, they say, not only our brains. If our hearts can think, can we channel these thoughts? Are things made more complicated when we not only have brains that think, but hearts that think too? Maybe yes. Maybe not. Both my heart and brain refuse to give a definite answer.
Up until the last days of our lives- pretencious beings. The old man in his deathbed screams, "I don't want to go because I haven't known a lot of things yet. Can I have answers?" His life whisked away. No answers.
Maybe just follow our eyes. The eyes deceive too, you say? So what is real and what is not?
Fantasy is built on pretences. Create your own answers. Your Creations. Answers to the secrets of the heart. Breathe and live Fantasy. For every question, give it your own answer. Who is to say your answer may not be correct?
Words seek to derail thoughts. Pretence is an intrinsically negative word.
We are pretencious. But we fly on wings of Fantasy too.
I won't ever understand. And I am afraid.
Friday, April 03, 2009
Fireworks Of Life
"You've led me to think as I've thought several times before, when you asked, "Is it worthwhile to die in this manner?"
Lives lost to military training/exercises, in the name of defense of a country.
A crazy world of countries saying to each other, "How do my defense measure up against your defense? I have XXX number of warheads vs your XXX number of warheads!"
A spark occurs. A small conflict of ideas. Defense turns into Offense in a flash.
All the Defense expended at once in a beautiful but mind-boggling display of fireworks.
And you call that the Fireworks of Life?
So what do you mean by Defense of a country? What is Defense? Defense and Offense may merely be relative terms. They mean the same thing."
I wrote the above in a notebook when I was about 15... 17? If a 17yr-old kid could understand the above, the true nature of what you deemed Defense. I don't get how everyone in this world could not see this very thin line humanity treads on currently. Of course, everything is more complicated. Have to be made more complicated.
To the North Korean missile test crisis.
Lives lost to military training/exercises, in the name of defense of a country.
A crazy world of countries saying to each other, "How do my defense measure up against your defense? I have XXX number of warheads vs your XXX number of warheads!"
A spark occurs. A small conflict of ideas. Defense turns into Offense in a flash.
All the Defense expended at once in a beautiful but mind-boggling display of fireworks.
And you call that the Fireworks of Life?
So what do you mean by Defense of a country? What is Defense? Defense and Offense may merely be relative terms. They mean the same thing."
I wrote the above in a notebook when I was about 15... 17? If a 17yr-old kid could understand the above, the true nature of what you deemed Defense. I don't get how everyone in this world could not see this very thin line humanity treads on currently. Of course, everything is more complicated. Have to be made more complicated.
To the North Korean missile test crisis.
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
How I Wrote Elastic Man
"But in the town
They'll stop me in the shoppes
Verily they'll track me down
Touch my shoulder and ignore my dumb mission
And sick red faced smile
And they will ask me
And they will ask me
How I wrote 'Elastic Man'"
- The Fall Mark. E. Smith
They'll stop me in the shoppes
Verily they'll track me down
Touch my shoulder and ignore my dumb mission
And sick red faced smile
And they will ask me
And they will ask me
How I wrote 'Elastic Man'"
- The Fall Mark. E. Smith
Fraggle Rock
I always stood by the tv to catch every single episode of this Jim Henson's muppet show when I was a kid. Fraggle Rock was fun to watch yet profound, in a way, too because it contemplated on serious themes such as Death, Mortality, Discrimination. They don't make kid-tv like these anymore. =) These brought back much memories.
Sunlight and Shadow - Mokey sings of freedom when she was caught and caged up.
Sunlight and shadow,
And oak trees, bravado,
And rivers that race to the sea.
Puff balls, fireflies,
And larks in the sunrise,
All know a way to be free.
And here's to their roamin',
Here's to their homin',
Ah, how I wish it was me.
Pity a soul that's not free.
Ants have a highway,
And birds have a skyway,
And winds can go wandering far.
See how they climb,
In the mercy of time and,
They don't know how lucky they are.
And here's to their roamin',
Here's to their homin',
Ah, but I wish it was me.
Sit for a moment and pity a soul that's not free.
Free and High - Wembley takes to the sky. My favourite fraggle- He's a laid-back coward, much like me.
Friendship Song - Boober and Red were trapped in a poison cave. They were terrified that they were going to die but cling on to friendship for support.
Sunlight and Shadow - Mokey sings of freedom when she was caught and caged up.
Sunlight and shadow,
And oak trees, bravado,
And rivers that race to the sea.
Puff balls, fireflies,
And larks in the sunrise,
All know a way to be free.
And here's to their roamin',
Here's to their homin',
Ah, how I wish it was me.
Pity a soul that's not free.
Ants have a highway,
And birds have a skyway,
And winds can go wandering far.
See how they climb,
In the mercy of time and,
They don't know how lucky they are.
And here's to their roamin',
Here's to their homin',
Ah, but I wish it was me.
Sit for a moment and pity a soul that's not free.
Free and High - Wembley takes to the sky. My favourite fraggle- He's a laid-back coward, much like me.
Friendship Song - Boober and Red were trapped in a poison cave. They were terrified that they were going to die but cling on to friendship for support.
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